shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize