if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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