I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
