K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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