i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
