3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
