Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
