he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
