I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
