Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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