My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize