Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
