God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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