You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
