my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
