Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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