So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I need water and some morals
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
