Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
