As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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