My sheets look like a crime scene.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
