DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
