I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
