I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Alive.
So much puke
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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