just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
