Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
