I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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