well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
