I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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