the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
