Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
