Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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