I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize