The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
