Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
time to smoke my breakfast
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
