In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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