She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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