You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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