I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
its liver damage thursday
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
