Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
