Your dad touched me again.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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