I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
