smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i think we sleep fucked last night...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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