we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
