I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
