..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
