but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
