i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
