Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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