Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
