her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
