Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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