In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
