Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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