That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
