u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
