I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize