Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
