I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
