her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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