You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
